Title - epic love chapter 8
pairing - callie/addison/erica triangle
rating - r to be safe
authors - fr3akofnature  and caddieluver89 
summary - our take on the callica relationship. set after the season 4 finale
disclaimer -  All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this journal, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As the work in this journal is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

 

God,I hate boredom. It's not so much that I don't have anything to do, but the fact that it always seems to make time go so slowly. One minute seems to last for three, and I can cope with that, but an hour? An hour can last for days when Erica's not here. I know I shouldn't be wishing my free time away, but without Erica here, there really is nothing for me to do. I feel so useless. I can't do anything to help her, and I can't do anything to help myself while I'm still here.

I wonder where Addison is at the moment, because if I hadn't left, we'd probably still be there. Maybe not, actually, because I think she would have tried to kill me in my sleep after I said no to her. I think she'd do just about anything to spite Erica around about now. I try to stop myself, but I can't prevent the my lips from curling upwards slightly as I recline on the sofa; I think I made the right choices these past few days. They may have been difficult, and definitely heartbreaking to all those involved, but I think I was right in doing what I have.

I close my eyes to relax but I feel like Erica's beautiful face has been imprinted into the backs of my eyelids or something, because I can't seem to get her out of my mind. That's it, I think. I can't sit around here doing nothing for any longer. I swing my legs off the sofa and stand up, stretching my arms and legs to rid myself of the ache that I got from sleeping in an awkward position. I get myself a drink from the kitchen turn around to see the pan that I dropped this morning sat on the kitchen surface again. I actually let myself laugh at that, remembering how the morning had played out before grabbing my bag and shoes; I'm sure Erica won't mind me visiting her at work, and I can always say I was there to do paperwork.

I turn up the radio in my car to full volume, letting the upbeat rhythm flow through the speakers as I roll down the street .I recognise it as the one with that bar on that I was going to the other night, and shake my head at the absurdity of what I was going to do. I remember the couple I saw and this time, I'm happy for them. So much has changed in the past week that it's hard to believe. We all went through a huge amount, and I find it hard that everything can become so perfect in such a small period of time.

I change my mind when I get to Seattle Grace's car park however, because I see Addie's obnoxious red car as I enter and drive past it to get to a vacant bay. It's hard not to notice it because of the cherry red paintwork, and I cringe at the thought of Erica and Addie working in the same hospital again. The blows just keep coming as I wander through the doors and Addie comes running up to fall into pace beside me.

“You're back,” I state, without so much looking her direction.

“Well I wasn't going to stay there by myself Cal, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm not the kind of person who enjoys hiking.” She is gradually losing speed as we near the locker room, and I make sure to keep my pace up as we pass the door, but find myself being caught by the arm and dragged inside as she opens the door.

“Addison, get off me” I say, shrugging her grasp off my arm and taking a step back, trying to get away from her. “You don't have the right to be anywhere near me, Addie, why are you here?” I say coldly, trying to get her to back off. Thankfully, it works and she walks past me, but I can't make myself turn to watch her walk out on me again, no matter what the circumstances are.

“Addison,” I turn and call, hoping to stop her before I have to do this out in the corridor. “Addie, I wasn't trying to hurt you. I wasn't trying to hurt anyone.” And just like that she turns back around and walks away. Why do I get the feeling she doesn't believe me?

After changing I collect my charts and head to my office to work, but I don't even get to the elevator before my stomach rumbles, and I look down to check the time; it's noon. Maybe I should have made breakfast after Erica left this morning. I sigh, and turn to the cafeteria, but I also know this is the direction Addison walked in after we talked.

Sure enough, I see her by the coffee cart as I join the food queue, and watch her as she moves to an empty table in the corner. I notice that It's the one that we used to sit at. I really am genuinely sorry, I didn't mean to hurt her but I couldn't stay with Addison knowing that she might never truly appreciate me, because I knew that Erica already does. And I think she always will. I wasn't willing to risk that when I could be gambling with my happiness.

I am pulled out of my thoughts as I hand over the change for my lunch, and I take a few steps towards an empty table when Erica sidles up beside me. “Have you seen who's sat over there in the corner?” she mumbles, trying not to draw attention to us.

“Yeah,” I sigh, “She's mad at me. She thinks I hurt her on purpose.” Erica looks shocked, and she leans forward to tell me something.

“Go sit with her. You need to explain yourself to her, because she should know that you'd ever do that.” It surprises me, how civil Erica is being towards Addie, and it obviously shows on my face as she nudges me in the other direction.

Addison obviously doesn't want to be disturbed. She's sat with a paper in front of her, looking pretty interested in whatever is written in the bottom corner of the page. I remain standing as I get to her table, because I somehow don't think Addie wants me to sit there. She pulls the other chair in with her feet in a desperate attempt to get rid of me, and I sigh audibly.

“Can I sit here?” I ask, and I feel like I'm in high school. I'm the new kid whose been fooled into asking to sit at the cool people table, again. Addison simply draws herself up straight, shooting me a look before she gathers up her tray and attempts to move past me. “Addie. Addison-” I put my hand on her arm, desperate not to make a fool of myself here.

Apparently I did something wrong because the next thing I know Addie's slapped my hand away from her, but I still don't move. “Addie..” I release a slight chuckle as I say her name; I'm in total disbelief at the way she's reacting to this. “No, Callie. Move.” She snaps at me, but I remain still. “You don't get to do this. You do not get to pretend to be the better person here. I'm the victim here. Me and Erica, we're the victims in this...act of yours.” At the sound of her name, Erica walks towards me, and I see that most people are watching us. “You're the one that left me this time Cal, you're the one who did the damage.”

At this point, I put down my lunch tray. Apparently I'm not meant to eat today. “I know, but I didn't mean to-”

“Oh, you know?! You know what this feels like?!” Everywhere else is silent. I'm being watched, scrutinised and I hate it. “George may have broken your heart, Callie, but you broke two. Don't tell me you didn't mean to do this because you did. You knew that day you left me on some godforsaken island that you were breaking my heart, and you didn't even stay the night... that's twice the crime, Cal; so don't tell me you know how this feels. Because you never will.”

I can't believe it. Did she really just say all that to me? I don't know what I'm supposed to say to something like that, but Addison's turning away from me. I know if I leave this how it is I'll never talk to her again,and I can't deal with that. She has to understand, so I reach forward and grab her wrist, determined to not let her leave now. We've already created a huge scene, so I don't think anything can make it worse right now.

Apparently I'm always wrong these days, because before I have time to react Addison has turned and swung at my head, and I feel the burn from her palm all the way down to my extremities. I let go of her wrist. My other hand rises to rest on my cheek while I feel Erica grab my free hand, and all I can do is stand there, mouth agape like an idiot. Addison stares at me, tears pooling her eyes from sadness, whereas mine pool through pain.

“Goodbye Doctor Torres...” She states, before straightening her posture and walking away, head hung low.

Title - Epic Love, chapter 7
Authors -fr3akofnature andcaddieluver89 
Rating - R
Summary - our take on the callica relationship, set after the season 4 finale 
Disclaimer - All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this journal, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As the work in this journal is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.


 

Chapter 7
 

Title: epic love chapter 5
Pairing: callie/erica/addison triangle
rating: pg-13?
Authors: fr3akofnature  and caddieluver89 
Summary: our take on the callica relationship. set after season 4 finale
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.


 

When I finally come inside Addison is sound asleep, sprawled across the bed. I sigh and take a blanket and pillow to the couch, where I have made my bed most nights so it doesn’t really bother me. I lay awake staring at the ceiling and I wonder what Erica is doing right now. Is she thinking about me as much as I’m thinking about her? I close my eyes and just let my mind wander.

I’m awake long before Addison is. I’ve already gotten a shower and eaten by time she even stirs. She looks around and stretches before yawning. “You didn’t come to bed?”

I shake my head. “I slept on the couch.”

She looks hurt and I sigh tying my left hiking boot. “You should have woke me up.”

“You looked tired; I didn’t want to wake you.” I say not looking up at her.

She pushes the covers off her legs and shuffles into the living room taking a seat next to me. Her hand finds its way to my arm. Her fingers play with the soft fabric of my flannel shirt. “Where are you off to this morning?” She asks nuzzling my neck.

I sigh. “Hiking. You can come if you want.” I say knowing full well that she probably won’t. And I’m right because she looks up like I’m crazy. I shrug. “Suit yourself. I’ll be back later.” I say standing.

“Do you have your phone?” I shake my head. “What if you get hurt?”

“I’ll be fine Addison.” I run my fingers through my hair and pull it up into a loose ponytail. “Don’t worry, I’ve done this before.” I laugh lightly.

“I’m gonna worry about you all day.” She crosses her arms and pouts at me.

“Come with me then.”

“You know I hate the outdoors.” She counters.

I shrug. “Suit yourself.” Erica would come with me; my thoughts carry away with me. I think about how cute she would look all geared up to go hiking. I giggle to myself as I open the door and start the trek to the edge of the yard and look out at the view I seemed to just be enthralled in last night. I cross my arms to ward out the chill the ocean air brings. I hope that once I start to get moving it will warm me up. I pull the camera from my pocket and snap a quick picture then take a look at it.

I smile and return the camera to its safe place and set a good pace to walk into town for something to eat and supplies I’ll need later. I walk into the small diner and sit in a booth near the back. A waitress named Milly takes my order. “Will that be it dear?” She asks after I order a coffee bowl of strawberry oatmeal. I nod.

When she comes back with it she smiles warmly. “You’re not from around here are you?”

I shake my head. “No, just need a break from Seattle.”

She smiles. “Well this is the best place to do that.”

I smile back. “I was actually going hiking today. Any idea where I should head to?”

“Well if you head back out of town up towards the cottage on the top of the hill and veer left you’ll start up the mountain. From there the views are absolutely amazing and breathtaking. Definitely something you’ll want to see. Also if I were you I would take a boat over to Orcas Island, it’s beautiful this time of year and you’re sure to see some Orcas.”

“Great, thank you.”

“You’re welcome dear.” She smiles and pats my arm lovingly. It makes me think of Erica and I sigh heavily taking a sip of my coffee. I leave a generous tip on the table and make my way over to the local shop.

The old man behind the counter greets me with a smile. I smile back at him. “What are you looking for miss?”

“Hiking gear.”

“The far wall there.” He points. “You’ll find everything you need. If you need help just give a holler.”

I smile at him a little wider. “Thank you.” I silently walk to the back wall and pull down a backpack. I pick up a canteen, a flashlight, rope, a first aid kit, and I walk the aisles for food and some water.

When I walk back up to the counter he smiles. “A serious hiker I see.” I smile back at him. “I’m surprised you didn’t have this tuff with you.”

I shrug. “It completely slipped my mind.” I offer him a smile. Really I just didn’t want to be near Addison until I could think of something to say to her other than yeah, yes, no, and simple sentences. I hand him a fifty to cover the price and smile. “Keep it.”

“No really I couldn’t.”

I smile at him. “It’s okay, keep it.” I close his hand over the twenty dollars and some odd change. “I don’t need it where I’m going.”

“Thank you.” He smiles widely and I offer another smile as I leave.

I take a deep breath before I make my way back up to the cottage. I stop just outside and think about inviting Addison again but push forward instead. If she wanted to come she would have. I can’t stop the sad smile that forms on my face then. I sigh and sling the backpack over my other shoulder so it’s resting equally on my back.

Ten minutes into the hike I start to feel warm and roll my sleeves up. My hair is falling into my face and I blow at it unsuccessfully. After a half hour there’s a clearing ahead and I go in that direction to rest up a bit. The view I see is magnificent. I let the bag drop to the ground and feel the air leave my lungs. Milly was right, this is nothing short of breathtaking. The fall colors play together in a mixture of reds, yellows, and greens against the mountain. I sigh and pull my camera out again to snap a few pictures then delete the ones I’m not happy with.

Erica would love this. I sigh and sit down. I just want the next few days to end so I can be with her. I should have known better when Addison kissed me. She isn’t in love with me and I’m not in love with her. I don’t want to hurt her, but I have to do what’s best for me, and I think that’s Erica. Even if it’s not I can’t be with Addison. Now all I can think about is Erica’s lips and how they felt against my own. I touch mine in memory of the last time we kissed. Her eyes drowning me in blue pools. I sigh and brush away my own tears.

I pick the backpack up and continue up the mountain until I reach the top and then rest again. I pull the canteen from my pack and fill it with some water from the fresh mountain stream. When I let it rush into my mouth I instantly feel refreshed.

When I reach the bottom of the mountain again I check my watch. It’s after two. I look out into the distance and see a splash. This propels me to make the last little bit of the journey to the next town and rent a boat. In my traveling to the next island I stop mid way and just look out at the water, so beautiful and clear, like Erica’s eyes. And then a splash rocks the boat and I see a black figure pop out of the water and reach for my camera as quick as possible hoping to see it again. The minute the water comes shooting back up I snap the picture. Just as quickly as it came it’s over and I check the image. I’m rather surprised the whale turned out, but I’m glad it did. I can’t wait to show Erica this place, so we can come here together.

I smile and put the camera back in its place and row the rest of the way to the other island. It’s just as beautiful as San Juan. I leave the boat at the dock and check it in before disappearing into the brush and trees. Addison definitely would have wanted to turn back before I crested the mountain.  It’s funny how well you know someone, until you realize you really don’t. For example, I never thought Addison had feelings for me too. That still blows my mind; then again she tries to make it work with anyone these days, that isn’t exactly a confidence booster.

Erica makes me feel wanted, loved. It’s not like that with Addison. It’s almost like I’m some sort of prize that she feels she needs to have because she’s got L.A. a great job and a sports car. I’m the only thing she seems to be missing. I can’t be that for her though. I can’t, I won’t be the trophy wife, so to speak.

I sigh and check my watch again. It’s nearly five and I should head back now. There’s no way I can hike it so I resolve to head back into town. I find yet another diner and this time a young woman named Dessie serves me. I order coffee again because I’m a little bit chilled from hiking all day. She instead hands me a cup of hot cocoa. “I know you asked for coffee.” She says. “But you looked like you need some cocoa after being outside all day.”

I nod. “It does actually sound a lot better now that I think about it. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Can I give you some advice?”

“Humm?” I ask interested in what she has to say.

“You seem like you keep thinking about someone.” She pauses. “I’m sorry if I’m prying but if you need an ear, I’ll be happy to lend one.” She smiles. “I’ll be right back with your soup.”

When she comes back she sets the warm chicken noodle soup in front of me. “You know, I think I’d like to take you up on that offer. If you’re not busy.”

She smiles. “No, I’m not.”

She takes a seat across from me and I sigh stirring the soup. “I was confused at one point about who I should be with, but now I know who I should be with and the other person is here with me up in the cottage waiting for me. Probably worried sick, but I can’t bring myself to go back to her right now.”

“Hmm…” She thinks for a minute. “Would I be correct in assuming the two people you’re talking about are both women?” I nod. “Well maybe you should start at why you don’t want to be with the person who is here with you?”

I think about it, take a sip of soup and look back up at her. “She’s cold and calculates every touch so that it’s to her advantage. She’s smart and funny but she’s career driven so much that she moved to L.A. and left me behind to deal with the mess my marriage became. I resent her for leaving. She has everything except someone to share her life with and I feel like by telling her I loved her she’s hanging on to that with both hands because she doesn’t have that. It’s like she just wants to believe it could work between us.”

“Do you think it could?” I shake my head. “Then why are you here with her?”

I sigh, it was a damn good question because all I’ve been thinking about is why I didn’t ask Erica instead. “Erica,” I sigh. “Said I should bring her because if I didn’t then I would wonder what if and she didn’t want me to. She wanted me to be sure.”

“And you are now?” I nod. “So you came to do what you needed too right?” I nod again. “So why are you still here?”

I look up her suddenly aware of how right she is. I shouldn’t be here I should be back in Seattle with Erica right now. “You’re right. Thank you.”

She smiles. “You’re welcome.” She looks around. “Well I have to get back to work, but I hope everything works out for you.”

“Thank you.” I watch her walk away and my mind is made up. I’ll talk to Addison and then go home… to Erica.

fr3akofnature

caddieluver89

Chapter 4

I wake up the next morning feeling like my head is going to split in two. Addison is here and sitting in the corner watching me. Her face is red, she’s been crying too and I’ve seen myself and everyone else cry so much I feel like it no longer has an effect on me. Mark comes in after that and hands me a bottle of water and two aspirin. “Here. How are you doing?” He brushes the hair out of my face as he asks.

He really is a great guy and I wish someone would just give him a chance to be that guy. I sigh. “My head hurts.”

“After all the crying you did yesterday I’m surprised you can still feel it.” He says gently.

She gets up and my eyes follow her as she moves. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.” I don’t say anything because I have nothing to say. My brain can’t even form a rational thought right now because all it can think about is that I could have just lost Erica for good. I don’t want that but I know I have to do what she told me to so I know that I have exhausted every option, so I know that I did all I could, and so I know I’m happy and I have no regrets.

She watches me carefully before retreating to the other room. Mark follows her and I hear them talking. “What are you doing Addison?”

“I’m leaving.”

“You leave now you’ll always wonder what would have been. But I guess you’re good at leaving aren’t you?” The unanswered question hangs in the air over all of us. It was pretty low but he’s right, when things get hard Addison runs. She is good at it.

She comes back in sighing. “Help me out here Callie. I don’t know what to do.”

I look at her and I don’t really know what to do either. I shrug and sigh, Erica’s words repeating in my head. “Come with me.”

“Where?”

I sigh and stand. “For once in your life, throw caution to the wind. There’s only one way to get through this for you and me. Whether we end up together or stay friends we need to talk and doing it here or now is out of the question. I have a week off and I have five days booked in San Juan. So get your shit and come with me.”

She stares at me like I just did something that shocks her. I guess she doesn’t really know me as well as she thought. She finally nods.  “Fine.”

Her arms cross over her chest and Mark looks between us. “You sure you won’t need a chaperone?” Addison and I both glare at him. He grins and then takes a step toward me. “Be careful.” He says smiling. I read Addison’s expression over his shoulder when he hugs me tightly. She is wondering when and how we got to be so close and why he is protective of me and not her.

His new leaf has changed him, and like I said he’s a great guy, he just needs someone to take a chance on him. When we leave I let her ponder my relationship with Mark, she doesn’t need to know the details right now. The cab pulls up to the apartment and when we walk in Addison looks around. “Holy shit!”

Everything has remained untouched but Cristina’s bedroom door is shut. I navigate the mess that I created and continue packing as I had been the previous night. Afterwards I strip my dress off and walk into the bathroom letting Addison watch the entire time because frankly I don’t care. I let the water wash away the stale smell of brandy and puke before I pick up my herbal essences shampoo and lather it in my long hair. The smell fills my nose and relaxes me. It’s just what I need right now. When I emerge Addison is sitting exactly where she had been before I got in and I wrap the towel around myself heading into my room to pull on a pair of jeans and a shirt.

I come out drying my hair and tilt my head at her. “Anything you want to say?” I ask her.

“This place is a mess.” She looks around to study the entire apartment. Clothes thrown all over the place, things knocked over, the mirror broken in the bathroom, make up along the counter. “Did you do all of this?” I nod. “Wow.” She looks around like she still can’t believe it. “After I left?” I nod again.

Cristina’s door creaks open and I turn around. “Hey good you’re home, nice mess by the way, clean it up sometime before you go.” She walks to the kitchen. “Dr. Montgomery, I’d say it’s nice to see you but according to gossip my apartment looks like Hurricane Katrina because of you.” She smiles and takes her coffee back to her room and shuts the door. I try really hard not to laugh because in a way it is really funny. Before last night I never would have done something like this.

Addison actually does laugh and I do too. “You really did this?”

I nod. “Yeah. I was so angry with myself for what was happening that I lost it.” I sigh and sit down combing through my hair. “I really need this Addison; I need to get away for a little while. I want you to come with me because we need to talk. We have to figure this out, because it will kill me to wonder what would have been.”

She nods. “Okay.”

I smile and she actually helps me pick everything up and put it back in its place. I knock on Cristina’s door and open it slightly. She mumbles something about sleep and I chuckle. “Look, I’ll replace the mirror when I get back.”

“Didn’t like it anyways.” She says into her pillows.

I shake my head and shut her door. I look around at the apartment. There is no sign that an outburst like last night ever happened, except the mirror. I take another look in it just for curiosity’s sake. It still looks the same as it did last night though, a tangled web of a mess that I call my life. I sigh and Addison helps me carry my things down to the cab that will take us to the ferry. The ride is quiet and I have to say it’s definitely a little unnerving even after she gets her things. I kind of don’t want to share the ferry ride with her either.

We get there shortly after five and the attendant informs us it’s an hour and a half ride to the San Juan Island’s Port Friday Harbor. I sigh and we put our things in a small room. She sits and looks out the window. “I’m gonna, just go… outside.” I say to her and she nods. Once out there I finally feel like I can breathe again. I wish things would go back to the way they were before all of this happened, before Addison kissed me. I sigh and lean against the railing and I just keep wishing for this bad dream to end so I can wake up.

Wind whips at my hair blowing the curls around my face and I sigh. It feels nice to finally just let go and be. It’s been so long since I could do that. I feel everything drain from my body with the simple presence of the wind and thank God because I am about to just go insane from it all.

I’m not sure how long I’ve been standing out here but it’s starting to get cold. I shiver and then feel a warm blanket followed by a hand on the small of my back. I look up to see Addison standing there. She offers a small smile before joining me, looking out into the ocean and watching, waiting for something to change or happen. I lay my head on her shoulder and feel her stiffen but she eventually relaxes against me and sighs wrapping her arms tighter around me. I can’t say I don’t love her because I do. But it’s still not any easier to pick either one of them. They’re both so caring and sophisticated. And the parts of them I see that no one else gets to, those are the parts that I fall in love with even more each day.

The ferry finally pulls into the harbor and we disembark from the vessel. I can instantly tell that this place has a lot of historic value and is nearly untouched by man. The tiny village is exactly that, tiny. The buildings are old and worn by the sea water. I leave my things with Addison and run up to the harbor office to ask for directions to the cottage I rented for the next five days. I come back a couple minutes later and she’s waiting in the cab for me. She smiles when I get in and I give the driver the directions.

When he pulls up Addison whistles and I just laugh. “Jeez you went all out huh?”

I nod. “I needed to be comfortable. And it helps that it’s just gorgeous.”

She nods. “Yeah it is.”

I put my stuff down for a second to watch the sun set against the water. The clouds over head are a fluffy grayish blue color that remind me of her eyes. I sigh; this really isn’t going to be easy. I love Addison, but I just can’t stop thinking about Erica. The rocks jutting out of the water are jagged and worn like my heart seems to be. The island in the distance is bigger than this one and I think maybe I want to be on it instead to give myself more room. I uncross my arms and walk towards the door after picking up my suit case. I take one last look at the sky before I slowly shut the door.

It’s small inside, really small. The minute I notice there is only one queen sized bed I groan in frustration. I should have known better. I sigh and see that Addison is unpacking toiletries from her suit case and I opt to just poke around the place. The entire place is small, perfect for one person who likes to be cozy and warm. It’d be perfect with the right person I suppose. When she comes out I have a pot of coffee going and soup on the stove, for me of course, but I let her have it because she mumbles something about being hungry.

I let her enjoy my soup and take the coffee to the back porch where I find the sky has given way to the night. At this point I kind of hate myself for asking her to come even if we do need to talk. I don’t notice until she clears her throat that she is even out here with me. I feel so stupid sometimes. I look up at her; she’s wearing a flannel coat and jeans, which I hadn’t noticed before. And really I used to notice things like that, but it doesn’t seem to be important anymore. Erica and she are so different when I think about it.

Addison is cold sometimes, so much that I wonder if she even has a heart in her body. The way she dresses it’s like she thinks she’s better than the rest of us. Her touch is always so calculated and timed. It doesn’t feel right with her, I can’t explain it, but it’s like she’s just along for the ride, because it’s easy for her. She wants me I can see that, but I’m not sure if I want her.

Erica is professional, sexy, sophisticated, but never over dressed. She holds doors for me and pulls my chair out for me at lunch. I smile at the thought. When she touches me I feel all warm and tingly inside like she really truly cares about me. She may be devoid of emotions at work, but she’s a professional and everything she never shows anyone else are the things I get to see on a daily basis. That thought kind of makes me sad because I realize I haven’t seen her or talked to her since yesterday. She’s kind, caring, warm, and respects me for who I am and what I do. She has confidence in me that I need just as much as I do having it in myself. And she puts my feelings before her own, she loves me; she proved that when she let me go.

She let me go. I keep repeating the thought over and over in my head. Suddenly it seems to make sense now. I may love Addison but I’m in love with Erica. There is a huge difference and I think maybe I have known from the beginning that it was Erica all along.

Title: epic love - chapter 3
Authors:

fr3akofnature

caddieluver89

Chapter three...

I rush into the apartment and fling the door back. It hits the wall and I slam it shut. “What the hell is wrong with me!?” I shout to no one in particular. I slide down the door and put my head in my hands. I throw my keys at the opposite wall and scream. It feels so good to just scream. I feel the tears burn in my eyes and it angers me more because I don’t want to cry anymore. I don’t want to be confused. It shouldn’t be this hard!

I finally push off the door and stand taking a deep breath. I need to get the fuck out of here. I pull my laptop from its bag and open it slowly. I listen to it hum to life. I sigh and start looking for somewhere I can just get away from everyone. My phone rings, I look down at the flashing screen and sigh. It’s Addison again. I send it straight to voice mail and wait for her to leave a message like she always does. I listen to it. “You can’t ignore me forever.” I delete it automatically. “Yes, I can.”

I sigh and continue my search looking for a place that is beautiful and historic where I won’t have to worry about seeing anyone I know. And the minute I see a picture of the San Juan Islands an hour and half off the coast of Seattle, I know it’s perfect. It’s just what I need. Nature, small villages, history, a nice little cottage to stay in, maybe then I can reach a decision. I decide then that my phone will be off the entire time I’m there. I leave my computer and start packing, warmer clothes and boots for when I go hiking, my art supplies, and a camera.

A couple minutes pass and I hear a knock on the apartment door. I slowly make my way to the living room to answer it. When I open it all the air leaves my lungs. “I know you’ve at least kissed her.” She says taking a step forward towards me. “I thought maybe you should have something to compare it to.” She reaches in with both hands bringing my face closer to hers. She pauses just before our lips touch and looks from my eyes to my lips. It’s like a raging inferno when her lips brush against mine. She lets her tongue dart across my bottom lip and my mouth instantly falls open. Her tongue caressing everything she can. I moan into her mouth and want to keep kissing her, but if I do I won’t be able to stop.

I pull back just enough to breathe. Her face is still only centimeters from mine, “Addie…” She lets her hands drop to her sides. “I think…” I sigh. “You should go.”

“Cal, I love you.”

I don’t look up when she says it. “I can’t… I need to get away for a while and just be by myself. I need time to just be… me.”

She reaches out for me and I pull away.  Looking at her, her eyes, she’s hurt. I back away from the door and she sighs before turning to leave. She stops and puts her hand in the door before I can shut it. “I understand that right now you have to choose yourself. I did it, but if you have a chance at happiness, Cal, you need to take it, because you don’t get too many second chances like this.” She says with tears in her eyes. It’s too much for me to see and I have to look away.

“You need to leave Addison.” I say in a defeated tone leaning my head against the door.  I slowly push it shut while she’s still looking at me until it latches softly and I lock it. I cannot handle this right now. I make my way into the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror. The reflection staring back at me doesn’t even seem like me. It’s almost like I’m a different person watching this version of me walk through her life hurting people and that’s not me. I look away from the image because I can’t stare at it any longer. This is not me, it’s just not.

The anger that boils up inside of me is so sudden I pick up the closest thing and fling it at the mirror. It cracks and then spreads out like a spider’s web weaving through the broken glass, sucking in people left and right. It’s like my life right now, sucking defenseless people in and destroying them like it’s no big deal. Like a black hole that exists only to suck everything in it can to destroy it.  

My face is shown in several different pieces of the broken object like a kaleidoscope, where all the different shapes form and then disperse as if they never existed at all. Out of the corner of my eye I spy the little black bag that holds my makeup and reach for it. I pull out the darkest, sexiest colors I can find and lay them out in front of me.

I make it so I can no longer recognize myself. I pick up a thick tube of black shock skin and color in my top eyelid on both eyes. I look like a damn zombie by time I apply a light amount to the bottom. I take out the dark brown and cover the black until it completely disappears. The finished look is dark and smoky. I apply a bronzer to my face to even out the skin tone and then a little bit of mascara to pull out my eyelashes. The last thing I do is pull out a dark mauve lipstick and apply it generously to my full lips. I take a small step back and take a deep breath. I have succeeded in transforming myself to the point I don’t recognize this person I am looking at as myself.

I shed my clothes and leave them wherever they lay. I storm over to the wardrobe and pull every hanger out and throw it in the corner of the room. Clothes scatter everywhere and when I’m done the place looks like a hurricane ripped through. I pick up a short strappy number that just happens to be deep red and pull it on. I pick up the shoes in the bottom of the wardrobe and fling them everywhere until I find the ones I’m looking for and slip them over my feet.

I head out and pick up my keys and leather jacket so I can leave. I just can’t be here right now. I can’t even look at my stuff without feeling like I’m a screw up. The elevator takes me down to first floor where I push the gated door open so hard it slams against brick.  I suck in a deep breath and exhale watching my breath gather in puffs above me.  Instead of making the short walk to Joe’s I head in the opposite direction toward a different less used bar by those who know me.

The fifteen minute walk gives me time to stew on everything that just happened. Addison showing up on my doorstep kissing me, me trashing the place afterwards, and now this walking along an abandoned ally way to a club that only a few people know exists. What I don’t expect is to see the couple yards away from the entrance huddling together staying warm. I don’t expect the sudden well of tears that forms in my eyes and burns down my cheeks. I stop walking toward them and wipe my face; no doubt I’ve gone and ruined my make up now. I catch a glimpse of my face in a car window and grimace. This person isn’t me either.

I cross my arms and sigh because I have no idea what else to do but walk back to the apartment and clean up the mess I just made. I walk back to the apartment, constantly wiping my face of the silent tears that seem to flow out my eyes like an open faucet. I finally manage to get them to stop just as I reach the lobby doors of the Archfield. I hold it together the best I can and walk straight into the elevator pushing the button for Mark’s floor. He’s the only person I even stand to see right now.  

I knock on the door in front of me and when it opens the look in his eye is questioning. “Cal, what are doing?”

“I…” I look around and step inside putting my back against the wall on the side of the door and take a deep breath. “I can’t be alone right now.”

He shuts the door softly and looks at me studying my features. “God, Cal, you’re a mess.”

I nod and walk over to his bed and sit down placing my head in my hands. He sits next to me and I sigh. “Addison, she…” I pause to look up at him. “She’s here. She showed up about…” I look at the clock. “Two hours ago and just kissed me.”

“Are we talking a modest lip lock or we talking full on tongue in your mouth kiss?”

“I’m talking a kiss so hot I would have let her take me right there if I hadn’t had any sense at all.” I sigh. “What the fuck am I doing?”

“Well that’s what you wanted right? I mean Addison, and she obviously likes you too.”

“You don’t get it Mark!” I yell at him. “This is supposed to be easy! Simple! When I left George I was convinced I wouldn’t ever find anyone I could love again or who would love me. Yet here I am. Erica loves me; she’s in love with me. And me… I can’t tell either one of them I love them even though I do, because I love them both!” I rest my head against his shoulder and wipe my face again. “How can you love two people?!”

“I don’t know Callie; I don’t have anything to compare this to.” He rubs his face and sighs.  “You do look like shit though. Do you want to get a shower? I’ll let you borrow something if you don’t want to wear that.” He looks down at my dress and I nod. He gets up and digs through a few drawers and pulls out a soft t-shirt and a pair of boxers and hands them to me.

I don’t make it to the bathroom though; I just sit back on the bed and look at the wall, staring at it, willing it to move, so I have a reason to hit it. “I don’t want to be angry anymore.”

He doesn’t say anything as he hands me a glass of amber liquid. I take it from him and let the contents slide down my throat easily. Twenty minutes and three more glasses of brandy later, I find myself in tears. Chest heaving sobs wracking my body as he tries to soothe me by rubbing my back. The glass I held at one point is now empty as I hold it against my chest. He takes it from my hand and sets it on the stand next to his bed.

At some point I must have fallen asleep because I wake up in his bed with the lights off. I hear him talking with someone… wait scratch that, two people. I slowly get up and immediately regret it because I get extremely dizzy. I rush to the bathroom and empty the contents of my stomach. I wipe my mouth with a wet rag and take a risk by looking into the sitting room even though I’m already pretty sure who is sitting there.

Mark is sitting with his back to me and Addison is talking to him in a hushed voice. I don’t pay too much attention to it because she’s sitting on the other side of Addison. She looks like she’s hurting, in pain, maybe even a little bit of guilt. I hate to think that I might be the one who put it there. Then she looks up and meets my eyes. I feel my heart skip and the air leave my lungs. She’s letting me go, completely and I don’t know why but it breaks my heart. I can’t look at her anymore and let my back rest against the wall.

I take a deep breath willing the air to go back into my lungs when I feel a hand on my bar arm. I look up at come face to face with blue eyes. Deep grey, blue eyes and they’re Erica’s. She’s been crying and seeing her this way starts fresh tears in my own eyes. She cups my face and kisses my lips softly. “Shh… it’s okay.” She looks down before meeting my eyes again. “Go with Addison. Whatever you do, go with her.”

My lip quivers and I bite it to keep from sobbing too loudly. “But…”

She puts her finger on my lips to quiet me. “Please…  Callie, you need to be with her.”

She starts to walk away and I grab her hand. “Erica!” It comes out as a sob and she looks at me the words flowing out so easily. “I love you.”

She nods and her tears come a little harder and her nose gets red. “I know.” She wipes her face and steps forward. “And I love you too, that’s why I have to let you go.” And then she’s gone. I fall to the floor and cry out before I feel the ache in my chest stab over and over at my heart. I put my head in my hands and grab fist fulls of my hair as I sob loudly not caring anymore if they can hear me.

I feel her arms around me and they aren’t the arms I so desperately need to have around me, the arms I want to have around me. I push Addison away and retreat to the bathroom shutting the door and sliding down behind it. I cry harder to try and push away the heart breaking feeling I have inside my chest. I hear Mark on the other side of the door telling Addison to leave. “She needs a friend right now Addison. You can’t be that for her when you’re involved like this now.”

“And you can be that for her!” Her voice is shrill and then she’s banging on the door. “Callie please! Come out!”

“Addison, you need to leave. I’ll take care of her.” I hear her feet shuffle against the floor and then the door shuts and Marks knuckles knock softly against the wood behind me. “Come on Cal, she’s gone.”

I open the door slowly and his face is sympathetic. “I’m sorry.” He says softly. “I’m so sorry.” I fall into his outstretched arms and I can’t stop the sobs that come from my mouth. I am literally falling apart. The black hole is collapsing in on itself and taking me along with it.

fr3akofnature

caddieluver89

Chapter 1

His words ring in my ears. “Why don’t you finish what you started?”I walk towards her and I push away my thoughts, it’s simple I feel like if I don’t kiss her, that I’m going to explode, because I have no idea what to say to her. The feelings I have right now I recognize as being scared, overwhelmed, and hesitant. I’ve had those same feelings before. Her lips are soft, not like Mark’s whose are rough. Her hands are also soft as she cups my face and caresses my cheek.

When I pull away from Erica’s lips she’s just staring at me and then she blinks. I stand there and her eyes focus on me like she knows what I’m thinking. But I don’t know how she can when I don’t. She takes my hand and pulls me into a hug, which is when I realize I’m crying.

She's perfect. Erica's the perfect person. She's standing with me, holding me so close I can feel her erratic heart beat, and threading her fingers into my hair as I sob against her neck. She's too perfect, because she's whispering comforting things into my ear and holding me so gently and I don't know how I can be doing this to her... She doesn’t deserve this.

She cares so much, knows so well how she feels about this and I'm so lost in her arms. I never thought I'd feel this again, the stomach tensing, agonizing feeling of being so scared about what this moment means that you just want to run away; that you have to run away.

I back away from her, her hands sliding down my jacket as she has no choice but to let me go. She knows, knows that what I feel right now is something I’ve felt before and she tugs me back in to her. I can’t not fall back into her arms, because she’s all I have left. I pull her keys from my coat pocket and hand them to her. “You left them on the counter at the nurse’s station.”

“Thanks.” She pulls away slightly after she takes them and pulls me with her. “Come on, why don’t we go to my place, open some wine, and talk.” She suggests. “You look like you could use it.”

I sigh, she’s right, I need to talk, to process this, because I know what I’m feeling right now… is what I felt for Addison before she left without a word to say goodbye, the day she came back into my life thinking Erica and I were a couple, and the Carr case. I think somehow Erica knows why I fight so hard to keep myself in control. She asked me that before, why I didn’t just let go anymore. I told her it was because I always got hurt in the end.

I know the minute she comforts me in her apartment that she’s going to let me go. She loves me and I know that because of how she reacts to everything. She’s caring and I’m the only person who gets to see it, which is a shame. I know she’s letting me go because she wants me to be happy, I hope we can fix this though, because I can’t lose her as a friend. She’s my best friend and I don’t know what I’d do without her.

 “I’m sorry.” I say when she hands me the wine glass.

I can’t even meet her eyes because I don’t want to see the hurt I put there. She lifts my chin and I find that the only tears being shed now are my own. “Why are you sorry? I knew this was happening after you started keeping your distance when she came back. I may not have realized it when you left with Sloan, but I did later. It’s okay to be confused Callie.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” I sob and she sets her glass and mine on the table then climbs onto the couch and pulls me into her arms.

“You haven’t.” She says as she rubs my back gently. “Look at me Callie.” I do because I have no choice, the way she says it just makes me want to look at her. “I’m here for you. I’m your best friend as much as you are mine. You can talk to me.”

I watch her eyes. I know she’s right, but at the same time I can’t help but feel like I’m hurting her. “How can you say that?” She’s confused. “I know you love me Erica, but how can you say that and not be mad at me, at least a little bit?”

She looks at me and then at her hands. I know I'm right she does love me, as what I don't know but she does. "Callie, you need to know what you want. Right now, you don't. I can be the person you talk to because that's what I am for you. I'm your best friend. Nothing is going to change that. Even if you're with her and not me." She sighs. “I think that you should get away from here. Go visit family or something but you have to think this over. You have a tough enough time without having to worry that you’re hurting me.”

I nod and pick up the glass taking a long swig from it. “I think you’re right, like usual.” I smirk and look down at my wine.

“Hey…” I look back up at her. “I do love you. But you need to make the best decision for you, not anyone else. I’ll always be right here. I promise.” She smiles and I nod. I finish the wine and contemplate what she says as I leave and walk into the brisk night air.

I cross my arms over my chest and let my feet carry me wherever they want to. I walk past my apartment with Cristina, the lights are off and I really don’t feel like being completely alone with my thoughts right now. I sigh and go in the direction of Joe’s.

The stale cigarette smoke hits me when I open the door and the sound makes me smile. I definitely wasn’t alone here, even if I came alone, there were still people around to not make me feel alone. I take a seat at the bar and notice Mark in the corner of my eye, he looks confused because I went home with Erica. He stands and walks over placing his drink on the bar and takes a seat next to me. “So?”

“So nothing… we talked… I left…” I look up at Joe as he comes from the back. “Joe, can I get three shots of Wild Turkey.”

“How can you drink that shit?”

“It burns.” I say to him and take the first shot after Joe pours it. He pours me another and I down it just as quickly as the first. I make a slight grimace and watch Mark’s reaction.

“Jesus.” Mark breathes out. “Callie, what happened?”

I sigh and take the last one. “Sorry, I’m going to need to have more alcohol for that. Joe two more.” I say to him and he lines up the other two glasses and I down those too.

“Talk to me Cal, you’re in pain or you’re confused. I can see it.”

“A little bit of both I guess.” I say to him flipping the glass in my hand. “I’ll just have a bud light now, thanks Joe.” I take a swig of the bottle set in front of me and I know that this is probably a bad idea and I’ll be really hung over tomorrow. “I think I love Addison, Erica loves me, and I have feelings for her too.” He’s extremely quiet now. “You can say something now.”

He scratches his head. “Wow, I uh… well I expected you to have feelings for Hahn, I can see that… but Addison, that kind of blows my mind.”

“Why?” I ask taking a long swig of my beer. I motion for another and Joe sets it on the counter. I finish the one in my hand and sigh. “Erica could see it apparently.” I don’t realize it but my voice is a little bitter his face shows it after the words spill out of my mouth.

“Well that’s interesting, you sure you don’t want to do like an orgy or something?” I glare at him and he chuckles. 

“That doesn’t help.” I sigh, picking up the fresh bottle in front of me.

“You think drinking is going to?”

I shake my head. “No, but it will make me forget for a little while.”

“The rate you’re going you’ll be lucky you remember anything tomorrow.”

I shrug. “That’s fine with me.”

“Well I’m not going to watch you drown your sorrows. Take time if you need to but I suggest you have a clear head while you do it. Talk to Addison too.” He says getting up to leave. “Goodnight Cal.”

I sigh and finish yet another beer. Joe walks up to me and shakes his head. “Okay, you’re one of my favorite people really, so what’s going on?”

“Me…” I sigh. “I’m just confused. I love two people at the same time and I have no idea what I’m doing.” I let my head fall on top of the bar and sigh. “I just really don’t know what to do.”

“Well I’ve seen you in here with both of them.” My head picks up at that. “There’s something there, but you won’t know until you spend some time without them both.”

“That’s the best you got?”

I take a swig of my beer and he dries a glass as people begin to filter out. He shrugs. “What do you want me to tell you? Who you should be with? I can’t do that. I can tell you that you need time to figure things out by yourself. I can tell you that you need to tell Erica and Addison how you feel.”

“Erica knows, she knew before I did.” I sigh. “She’s very good at that.”

Joe shakes his head. “No, she just knows you. You remember after Addy left?”

I nod. “How can I forget?”

“You were in here every night until finally she shows up, Erica I mean. And suddenly you’re a little happier again; you’ve made a lot of progress. And then Addison comes back and you ignore Erica. So yeah, that’s the best I got.”

I sigh. “That’s not helping Joe. I love them both, how am I supposed to decide who I should be with?”

“I can’t tell you that. There’s no secret to not getting your heart broken, which you very well know. Just like there’s no secret to make life or our choices any easier.” He takes the beer from my hands. “I think five shots of Wild Turkey and three beers are more than enough for tonight. Go home.” He smiles softly. “Give it some time you’ll have an answer.” I pull my jacket on and reach for the door knob. “And Callie, call her.”

I give him a small smile as I walk out of the bar and check my watch. It’s nearly two am, too late to call tonight. I sigh and draw my coat closer, it would be great if I knew what to do right now. “Screw it.” I dial Addison’s phone from memory and let it ring. It went straight to voice mail and I sighed. “Hey Addy, it’s me. I miss you. And well I…” Another sigh escapes my throat. “I lo—call me, we need to talk. Okay?” I close my phone and slip it back into my pocket. That was a close one. I breathe a sigh of relief as I look up at the stars in the sky and then walk to the apartment. It’s empty, Yang’s on call tonight. I thank my lucky stars for that, because I don’t need to listen to her right now. I pull my jacket off, hang it over a chair at the bar and settle into the couch with my back to the door. I let the tears come because I’m still so lost about this mess that there’s nothing left for me to do.

Title: undressing you

Pairing: caddie Callie/addison

AuthoR: fr3akofnature

Rating: pg13

Disclaimer: not mine. I wish.

Feedback wanted...lyrics from emma bunton's 'undressing you'

...We've only just met and I'm undressing you with my eyes...

When Callie first caught the eyes of Doctor Montgomery, the redhead had been monitoring their patient's unborn child; Mrs. Carr...Addison had been looking at the ultrasound, and Callie checking the woman's mobility when she couldn't help but cast her eye down the attending as she leant over the screen. She was a typical rich New Yorker, with her designer heels and sleek outfits...

Callie had always mused at how some people splashed money on irrelevant things like clothes...but now, as Addison reached for the chart and exposed the length of her body, Doctor Torres couldn't resist truly appreciating the tight skirt that the attending was wearing that day. Yeah, the clothes were irrelevant, but god did they make the other doctor look good.

...And I'm trying to chase all these dirty thoughts in my mind...

Addison had heard about the new ortho resident, but she would have found a case with her much sooner if she knew that Doctor Torres looked like that. Sure, she was married, but god, that woman was hot. And, she was ortho. There was something more appealing about the latina knowing that she made grown men cry on a daily basis, and had the power to break bones with her bare hands....

...I'm trying to play it down like whatever...

'You wanna go get a drink or something...?' Addison asked as she looked over at the resident beside her. Drinks were good, she thought. Drinks were good, because they'd had a really bad day today, and suddenly the redhead needed something to distract herself with. Something to get rid of not only the stress from their case, but also the inappropriate thoughts that had been flicking through her mind that day; mostly included herself and a certain Callie Torres.

'Sure...Joe's?' Callie sighed as she heaved herself up from her stiff position on the floor. It wasn't like she didn't want to go. Actually, she really wanted to get some alcohol in her system, but the thing was that she didn't know what she would say once she did get that alcohol in her blood. Heaven forbid she lets on about the visions that had been disturbing her work that day. God damn that Addison Montgomery.

Nevertheless, the two new-found friends wandered over to 'Emerald City', where they found some seats in the far corner of the bar – they both knew of the others unpopularity in Seattle, what with Addison flying in as the 'wicked bitch from the east', and Callie remaining 'the one who didn't wash her hands' – They'd thought they were better off avoiding 'the interns' as best they could that night.

Addison looked over the table at Callie and chuckled after they had both grimaced at the sound of Meredith's high pitched laughter traversing across the bar. “I think I better get us some drinks... wouldn't want you to have to face that without some alcohol,” Callie smiled as she tilted her head in the vague direction of the giggling interns.

“Thanks, Dr. Torres, I'll have whatever you're having,” Addison smiled as she slid a few dollar notes across the surface of the table. At that, Callie rolled her eyes before taking the money and heading to the bar.

The music finally got turned up, allowing the deep bass of the track to settle in the room, and on her return, Callie couldn't help but add a slight swagger to her step. “It's on me.” Callie said, placing the bottle of Corona into the attending's hand. Not letting go, she leaned in Addie's direction at the raised eyebrow she received, “And we're friends, so...It's Callie,” she winked at the redhead, letting her fingers retreat across Addison's until she let them drop to the table between them.

...and my heart skips a beat and it's hard to hold it together...

Stumbling out of Joe's into the crisp air, Callie reached to grip onto the lapel of Addison's jacket to prevent herself falling. If there was one thing she didn't want to do tonight, it was falling flat on her face. As the two 'friend's' kept giggling, Callie raised her other hand to grip the side of the red head's jacket, steadying herself.

Pulling them sideways and out of the way of the doors, Addison's hands rose to rest on Callie's hips, not so much to steady herself as to find a reason to touch the latina again. “I had a really, great time...”Callie drawled slightly, that last shot obviously effecting her speech.

“Yeah...Me too..” The words died on the attending's lips as she realised how close the two of them were standing.

“I better go though, you know...George and everything.” Callie whispered, subconsciously leaning in closer to her friend. All Addison managed to get from her mouth was a sighed 'yeah' as foreheads touched, lips millimetres apart.

Suddenly pausing, Callie's gaze rose to Addie's eyes, watching the attending's flick from her lips up to her eyes. “Yeah..” the latina parroted, releasing her hands form their grip and stepping backward from the surgeon, shrugging her bag further onto her shoulder. “yeah.” She stated a final time as she took a few steps in the direction of 'home', giving one final look over her shoulder before picking up pace and heading home.

...Though I might just bite my tongue, oh

If I can wait, play hard to get, it suits me just fine...

AN> thanks for reading, comment whore, so please read and review! Feedback loved! Um, oh! And if you like Caddie, which come on, who doesn't??! then head on over to http://s7.zetaboards.com/CalliesLoveTriangle/index/ Because there's loads of fic there that you won't find on LJ, or anywhere else, and we realllly need some new members! Love to have you all there! (lyrics from emma bunton – undressing you.)

105 Fact About Me

1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT Ring? nope

2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP? 3 months..i'm very good at them

3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?  chocolate from my mother?

4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE? Yes by accident. that one got last but many just dropped on the floor

5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT? not realy the working out type but i did sport a few weeks ago lol

6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON? dvd's psp games, music, clothes

7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE? chinese take away (chicken fried rice)

8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT A Partner? Smile

9. ONE FAVORITE SONG? too many to choose from!

10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE? cheshire england

11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED: birkenhead high school and then king's school chester

12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER: vodafone

13. FAVORITE MALL STORE: game/hmv/gamestation

14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD: never worked officially but i babysit now and then

15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE? Hell Yeah How Eles can i play yhatzee?

16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?: no..its immature

17. LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED: my sisters in may last year

18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY:um my friend evie maybe?

19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND: when school ended in july.

20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT: mc donalds

21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD: i don't know..people tell them all the time.

23. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS? At Home..you cant be kicked out for being noisy

24. CAN YOU COOK? um, pasta and a few simple things.

25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?: None ..not old enough

26. BEST KISSER: Not Telling!

27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: the other day

28. MOST DISLIKED FOODS: Liquorice, pesto, fish, lamb, eeeewwww

29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:  have a few quite cute freckles?

30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF?: the fact that my ass is so big! lol

32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?: um, babysitting 11.30 till 4pm

33. FAVORITE MOVIE? Too Many To Narrow Down

34. CAN YOU SING? i don't know..don't do it in front of people.

35. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED? p!nk...sheffield hallam december 2nd 2006

36. LAST KISS? Not Telling...your too curious

37. LAST MOVIE RENTED: ps. i love you...not as good asi thought it was going to be. read the book it's better.

38. ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT: Mp3 Player

39. FAVORITE vacation spot ?: florida was the best so far!

43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?: Laptop!

44. FAVORITE COMEDIAN?: alan carr. or eddie izzard.

45. DO YOU SMOKE? No ...but have tried it.

46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES? depends if im alone or if it's hot..but definately in underwear at the least

47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?: myself

48. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?: not for long....longer if the people are committed to it and genuinely care.

49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE? Never!

50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST? Pancakes

51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?: it's drinkable but not an addict

52 HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? scrambled

53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?: only when it's correct

54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?: my dad.

55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?: an unknown number...DUN DUN DUNNNNN

56. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECIEVED?: ' just been to see REM bet ur so jealous!'......i was

58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?: 3. one for my head and one either side of me

59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?: Jeans and an aeropostae t-shirt with my dressing gwon...its cold.

60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC: i would walk bound to you into eternity if i knew our loving cold truely set us free.

61. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J?: Strawberry!

62. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?: barely..only played once.

63. CAN YOU SWIM? Yes but i choose not to

64. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?: ben and jerry's cookie dough

65. DO YOU LIKE MAPS? only when i don't know where to go

66. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: my joints are very clickable....people hate me for it

68. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?: yes,..they generally suck

69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON: winter coz there's excuses to stay inside all day!

70. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID? Today about 10 mins ago.

71. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING ? 10.30. early considering i went to bed at 5.30am

72. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?: the reasons you can stay inside all day and not feel bad

73. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET?: never.

75. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?: molly. (my dog)

76. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED?: pirates are cool to an extent.

77. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?? recovering from my first week at my new school hopefully.

78. BIRTHDATE?: 4th october.

79. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE: a journalist hopefully.

85. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?: Yes...it's new

87. ARE YOU SMILING?: Not Right now

89. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?: Maybe...yes

90. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO? right now? new york.

92. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?: yes but not until tomorrow when my summer h0lidays end.

93. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?: yes.......Oh Wait Do Celeb Crushes Count as well?

94. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME? Eva...not ava...eva.

95. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?: wouldn't you like to know... :P

96. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?: nope...3rd sept!

97. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH?: yes..florida again.

98. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?: No

99. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER: ......only 6 and one brother

100. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?: nope. downstairs in my makeshift bedroom on the futon i currently sleep on.

101. ARE YOU IN LOVE?: define love...

102. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL? not for medical reasons but all my family work in them.

103. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW? yeah.

104. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING? earings necklace, bracelets watch

105. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY? Post It and go get some food.

Callie was seriously late. Not only was she short on time for getting ready for work, but as she shot out of bed trying to at least be up in time to grab a shower, the unmistakable throb of a headache and nausea flooded into her sinuses. ‘I really shouldn’t drink when I have work,’ Callie thought as she slowly lowered herself to sit on the bed. Leaning forwards to put her head in the hands, she took a few deep breaths. ‘I really shouldn’t drink at all,’ she finished ‘because drinking always leads to bad situations…like this’. Callie looked around at the scattered clothes dotting the carpet and groaned.

Addison had already left for work; leaving Callie alone in what she supposed was also her own suite now too. Bracing herself, she stood up slowly, and took a few gingerly placed steps over to where her bag was. Where was her aspirin when she finally needed it? ‘must be at George’s’ Callie concluded as she glanced at the clock. Great, now there was no time left for a shower, either! Striding into the bathroom, still dressed only in her underwear, she picked up her toothbrush and paused. There on the mirror, was a note. ‘Original Addie,’ Callie smiled as she snatched it off to read.

‘Look left, I found you some aspirin in the cupboard – you can thank me later. Also, look forwards. Nice hickey…sorry?

A xx’

Callie couldn’t help but smile as she stuck the note back on the mirror and swallowed the pills with a sip of water. What she wasn’t smiling at, however, was the obvious red mark that had been left just above her collarbone. Frowning, Callie went about her morning routine – brush teeth, do hair, dress, and leave. Albeit it was a bit more hurried than she would have liked, and she didn’t have time to get breakfast, but grabbing her watch on the way out of the door, Callie decided she could get away with being ‘fashionably late’. If she ran.

***

“This isn’t funny.” Callie frowned as she dropped into her seat at her and Addison’s lunch table.

“What?” Addison murmured, looking up from her salad, obviously clueless as to what her friend was talking about.

“This!” Callie exclaimed, pulling on the neck of her scrubs to briefly reveal the hickey Addison had left there.

“Oh…” the redhead grinned smugly, “that. Okay, so it’s not funny now, but it was at the time, right?”

“At the time I was drunk, Addie. At the time, “ she leaned forwards in her seat, “you had your hand in my panties. But, you don’t any more, so stop thinking about what was fucking funny at the time, because you should have been thinking about how it isn’t funny now that we’re not drunk!” Callie snapped, pushing herself backwards in her chair.

“What?” Addison repeated. “That doesn’t even make sense, Cal…Cal?” she asked, suddenly acknowledging her lack of attention. Sighing, Addie reached out to place her hand over Callie’s, drawing her attention back to their table.

“Stop thinking about him. You’re too beautiful to be thinking about that.” Addison leaned forwards to comfort her friend, only to be surprisingly shot down by the resident.

“No! You stop, Addie! I need you to just stop, because you’re still playing your own stupid fucking game with me Addie!,” Taken aback, the attending winced as Callie’s hand slammed on the tabletop. “You’re sat here being all touchy feely, Addison…and I want you to stop. Need you to stop, because this? Last night? Isn’t going anywhere. I don’t know what you were thinking at the time, Addison, but I needed sex. I needed sex to distract me from the fact that my life is in pieces at the moment! and you were there!” At this point, Callie needed to stop and breathe, calm down for a moment because she was certainly turning a few curious heads, and the best she could do was hope none could hear what she was saying.

Callie rose from her seat, her chair toppling backwards at the force. In shock at what was happening, all Addison could do was listen as the Latina placed both hands back on the table, swiftly leaning forward into Addie’s personal space. “I don’t need you to take care of me, Addie. I can do that myself.” Callie spat out at her friend before grabbing her lunch tray and swiping it into the nearby bin.

“I, I was just thinking-” Addie managed to stutter as she tried to grasp the situation a little better.

“Well don’t!” Callie threw over her shoulder as she strode past Addison.

Addison couldn’t believe what had just happened. What even was that? Glancing round the busy cafeteria, the tears started prickling at the back of the attending’s eyes as she took a shaky breath. People were staring at her; people were giving her the same sympathetic look that she knew had been given to Meredith after her and George had had the ‘disastrous sex’. That realisation alone was a sing to Addie to get out of there. Taking a few unsteady paces, Addison’s brisk walk quickly progressed into a run as tears threatened and she burst through the cafeteria doors.

***

Later that afternoon, on her way to take a break in the resident’s lounge, Callie was making her way up stairway D when she heard someone. ‘No one ever uses this stairwell any more, who on earth is that?’ Callie thought as she paused. ‘Was that someone…crying?’ Leaning over the handrail and looking down the narrow gap in the centre of the spiral, Callie found her answer as she saw the unmistakable image of Addie hunched over on a stair a few flights below. Sighing guiltily, she turned and slowly walked the three flights it took until she was a few stairs higher than the one Addie had crumbled on.

It broke Callie’s heart to see her like this. Yes, she had meant what she had said, and she knew she could be a bitch at times, but she certainly wasn’t aiming to make Addie cry when she had confronted her over lunch. Addison’s arms were locked between her torso and her thighs as she hunched over to put her head in her hands; altogether Callie thought she looked heartbreakingly beautiful, considering she was sobbing and had removed all of her makeup.

The resident silently took a seat next to Addison, causing the redhead to startle when she finally spoke.

“Addie, what I said…” Trailing off, Callie's mind wandered to the fact that she had just made one of the worlds foremost neonatal surgeons cry. She had never seen Addison cry before, and that thought alone made her heart ache for the redhead; knowing that her unkind remarks had made her break down. “Addison.”

At the tone of Callie’s voice, and by the way it sounded a lot less patronising than earlier, Addison turned her head to look at her friend, wiping her tear stained face.

“When I said all those things Addie, I wasn't thinking. I was thinking about myself, again. I was thinking of how fucking frustrated I am that George would even do this to another person...” As she was talking, Callie rested her arm around her friend's back, soothing her as the tears subsided. “ But then as I was doing rounds, I was thinking of how much of an ass I am.” she smiled, as the redhead nudged her. “Of how ungrateful I am to have such a good friend as you.” The latina sighed as she rested her head on Addison's shoulder. “I didn't mean to hurt you, Addie. It wasn't anything against you. It's just....my marriage is over, and I think I still need a moment to recover from that.”

Addison turned to press a kiss to Callie's temple. She could feel more than hear her friend taking a few shaky breaths, and it was obvious that Callie needed her at the current time. As she felt a hand fisting into her scrub top again, she knew they'd be okay. They were always okay.

***

It was nearing eleven o'clock that evening, and the two doctors had finally managed to escape from their hospital confines. They had made their way back up to their suite, tired, but glad to finally have the opportunity to relax after the trauma of their day. Addison keyed them into the room and slung her handbag over in the direction of the dresser. Not having the energy, Callie simply let hers fall from her hands as she shut the door. Taking a slight run up, she flung herself onto the bed, wriggling round to position her head at the foot of the bed and grabbing the TV remote.

Addison joined her shorty afterwards, crawling up the bed to lay against her pillows and unwind. Surveying the mess in the room, the redhead frowned at the DVD boxes that were spilling out of Callie's suitcase and slid off the bed to pick them up. The irony of the situation dawned on her as she placed them down next to the television, straightening the neat pile. She turned and looked at their room again. Addison couldn't keep the smirk from reaching her face as she remembered her thoughts from a few days previously.

There was finally a pile of DVD's, and a messy wardrobe in her home. So she didn't own her home, but here she had room service...and there was someone she really, truly cared about making herself comfortable in her bed. Maybe she was right to begin with. Maybe Addison's life was finally straightening itself out.

AN – that's all folks! Lol. I hope I didn't ruin it with this part...but it felt incomplete. Got a few one-shots in mind, although I am headed back to school next week so I dont know when they'll be up.

here's part 2b) i have no idea where this is headed, so bear with me if it's crap.